Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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