the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
