I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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