think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
