We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
