Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
honey bunches of taint.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
