so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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