I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
