I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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