The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
