I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
