I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
