Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
