i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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