things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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