oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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