and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
