i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
