Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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