I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
