Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
