If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
