Just mADE A PArabola og urine
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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