what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
