So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
