The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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