That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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