you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
