Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
