I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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