He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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