your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
