Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
