At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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