I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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