she looked like the before picture.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
