I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
