I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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