the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
