I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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