his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
