maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
