I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
