Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
