Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
