i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
