I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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