it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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