You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
