Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you didnt know i had herpes?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
