Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
