yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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