how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize