I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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