I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
