Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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